Role Playing


In reaction to comparing themselves to women, men, again, overemphasize the importance of what they think of as "male" traits. They go so far as to try to convince themselves, each other, and even women as well, that women are "lesser beings", even "sub-humans". Men will try to "select" mates that they think they can "look down on", "control", "own", "take for granted". Some relationships get by through ignoring the conflicts, pretending that they don't exist or are not important, while the damage only gets worse.

Some relationships are only for convenience or otherwise shallow enough to weather the conflicts.

Other relationships include the Fondness, Love, and most importantly, Trust to work through the conflicts and put them to rest.

One of the most successful approaches is to understand our base instincts, rise above, and even find ways to enjoy them, such as through some mutual tongue-in-cheek Role Playing.

One of the most fundamental areas of Role Playing is that of whether one partner is in a more agressive role.

clarifying how a couple perceives their relative roles when having sex, and understands the primal origins that underlie them.

My purpose is to offer an explanation for the feelings we all have but may not completely understand, and may not be completely comfortable with because we don't understand them.

Women have conveyed to me their perceptions, which have generally been to the effect that "I usually enjoy a guy being agressive, but I don't know why. I sometimes feel conflicted about it, that I 'shouldn't' feel that way.".

The feeling is easy to explain once you look back at our ancestral history:

We all want to be with the most attractive person available. Features and behavior that we perceive as attractive are also features that indicate good health, which gives the gene pool an advantage in Natural Selection.

So the question becomes - Why is agressive behavior perceived as an attractive behavior?

Agressive behavior is a trait of any leader, or dominant individual, in any group of primates or many other species, and is usually male because, in these species, the males on average are larger and stronger that the females, particularly in terms of upper body strength.

The leader is perceived as a source of power, protection, and status, and it is natural for females to want to be with an "alpha male", even if it means putting up with an above-average level of agreesive behavior.

The experience of being with the healthiest and therefore the most agressive male available satisfies the instinct to choose an alpha male. Offspring of women who seek this satisfaction have a natural health advantage in the Natural Selection process, more so to women who find the satisfaction exciting, and even more so to women who find the satisfaction enjoyable, since they are the most likely to attract the highest-ranking, and therefore the heathiest, alpha male available.

So how does this resolve the conflict between not wanting to be dominated vs choosing the less dominate role?

Some relationships are based on "don't worry about it, that's just how things are".

Other relationships just get worse and worse as the conflict remains unresolved.

The best relationships have highly involved understandings:

1. We know why agressive behavior can be attractive.

2. We know that whatever role playing


excitement, adventure, and experimentation

not a confrontation, but a play

We all want to be the dominate person in any group or situation,


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